Sunday, July 22, 2012

This zombie craze

                   The Walking Dead convinced me that I should pay a little more attention to the Zombie genre. That's not why I bought Dead Island; that was because it was 10 bucks on Steam but it is why I watched Berlin Undead (Rammbock) on Netflix. Netflix has some weird stuff. Like that French zombie movie The Horde I wrote about a while ago. This German movie, sort of like that one, is only so-so.
                      We've got Michi (Michael) going to return a key to his girlfriend of seven years who recently left him and moved to Berlin. It's basically a McGuffin, I can't remember what it's for. She's not at home although the plumber is, angrily banging away at a radiator and it's quite obvious he's going to turn into a zombie. His assistant Harper shows up, the plumber goes apeshit and Michi and Harper end up locking him out in the hallway. Then the raging horde invades the apartment courtyard.
                  Technically we aren't dealing with zombies per se but rather people infected through bites with a disease that makes them foaming mad with an urge to bite (though not eat) anyone in sight.Their eyeballs go milky white and their skin gets all veiny, so, sort of zombies.
                       The tenants of the apartments can confab across the courtyard through their windows. Let's do endtime rollcall, shall we? We have Michi and Harper. We have a muscled, tattooed guy named Manfred who has obviously been bit. (He never says a word and he dies halfway through. He is my favorite character.) A weaselly dude who has "I am going to betray you as soon as you give me a chance" stamped on his forehead. Metaphorically, of course. A man who's wife has been bit. ( He's been keeping her sedated to stop the change.) Thorsten and his sister. (Of these two, if you think the named character is the one who makes it out alive, nice guess, but no.)
                       Thorsten foolishly wades into a horde of not-zombies in an attempt to close the courtyard gates. He fails and they have a zombie infestation.
                        Harper immediately starts planning to kill some bitches (I love that his first response to the zombiepocalypse is to fashion medieval death implements from cutlery) and Michi frets about the phone he dropped on the hall stairs. Someone has been attempting to call him and he worries it might be his ex Gabi. The two make a foray out to get it, Harper's homemade weapon turns out to not be zombie deterrent (seriously, there needs to be a spray), and they lose ground when they're forced to retreat to the bedroom. It is not Gabi on the phone.
                         Bit-Wife_Man offers them food (they lost the kitchen) if they get him sedatives from the crazy lady's apartment next door. Michi looks at a picture of Gabi and remembers her wearing a bear suit. He continues to fret and Harper falls asleep. When the next morning dawns Harper wakes up to Michi lying next to him wearing the bear suit complete with head. I am honestly unsure if this is an attempt at humor or sentimentality. Either way, if I were Harper I'd find that more terrifying than the zombies.
                         They break the wall so they can get into crazy druggie lady's apartment to scavenge sedatives but who should be there but crazy druggie lady herself. And guess what? She's now a not-zombie. More not-zombies rush in and Michi hides Harper on top of a wall and then scrambles into the attic. Who should he find up there but Gabi and her new man, son of crazy druggie lady. Michi throws a hissy fit because it turns out Gabi was probably cheating on him and Gabi and friend freak out because they mistake a scratch on Michi's arm for a bite. In the end they hand him sedatives and shove him out onto the roof. Michi briefly contemplates suicide before noticing a rowboat on the river. He can hear a horn out on the harbor and realizes there might be safety close by. Meanwhile, Harper has discovered that his camera flash is not-zombie kryptonite. An accidental discovery right up there with Pasteur's and Newton's I'm sure.
                     Michi makes his way to Bit-Wife-Man's place to give him the sedatives. Bit-Wife goes bonkers regardless and Michi immediately offers to brain her with a candlestick. Bit-Wife-Man declines and instead tricks his wife into tackling him off the balcony where they plummet to their death. Harper shows up driving all the not-zombies before him with his camera flash and locks them out of the courtyard.
                       The survivors gather. They only have a few scraps of food from Bit-Wife-Man's apartment because in the last day and a half everyone ran out apparently. They plan to use flashing lights to get to the river to use the boat Michi saw. Predictably, weaselly guy makes off with their supplies in the night. Michi goes after him and returns with a few lights and a fresh arm wound in the shape of teeth-marks. Sucks. He rigs a bicycle with lights so Harper and Thorsten's sister can make their getaway.
                           Michi stays in the courtyard to contemplate his future as a cuckolded not-zombie. He isn't alone for long because crazy druggie lady's son runs screaming in with crazy druggie lady attached by the teeth.Not-zombie Gabi shows up soon after and Michi hugs her to him while she paws at his back looking perplexed. Harper and Thorsten's sister make it out to the harbor where a ship honks at them, signifying rescue.

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